10 Months Old

This past Monday, Seton turned 10 months old. We have not updated in a while because there really is not much to update. We are finally getting into the stride of our new life, what Zane calls “the new normal.” Seton has therapy appointments twice a week, with a speech therapist every week, occupational and physical therapist every other week. We only have to go see Dr. Habersang every other month, unless something goes wrong (like his mic-key button leaking, which happened this week).  

It was a year ago this week when we first found out something might be wrong with our baby boy. And our journey of seeing specialist doctor began. What a way to start out 2011… a year that I am very glad is OVER.

We took Seton to meet Santa at Santa Brunch at Amarillo Country Club this year. Seton got to meet Santa and Mrs. Claus. 

In Santa's Sleigh with Landon and Gracie

Meeting Santa with Landon and Gracie

Mrs. Claus & Seton

We had a very Merry Christmas. God decided to bless Seton with a white Christmas for his very first Christmas. It was perfect. We still loaded him and all his gear up and took him all over to different family gatherings, but Christmas Eve and Christmas morning we sat around in our pjs and just spent time together as a family of three. Having just the 3 of us happens so rarely in our house, and we really enjoyed it. Seton loved looking at the lights on the Christmas trees and garland around the house. I really hated to take it all down. Here are a few (or several) pictures…

Staring at the Christmas lights

My Little Santa

Hanging out with his giraffe Christmas Morning

Looking out at the White Christmas

Our Family

I hope you all don’t mind me sharing some of my thoughts…

When people ask me, “How is Seton doing?” I really have a hard time answering that question. Don’t get me wrong, I do not mind being asked. Sometimes I just have a hard time answering. If you ask when Zane is with me, I usually look to him to answer (I am not much of a talker). The other 10% the time I say, “He is good” or “He is okay,” without much more detail. Do you really want to know that I was up all night because he can’t get over this crud, or that he cried most of the night for unexplainable reasons that I chalk up to teething…even though he does not have any teeth yet? I cannot talk about my fear of him never walking, crawling, eating, playing, or even smiling.  Yes, it is a miracle that he is alive and gaining weight. Overall he is doing well. He made it through his first sinus infection/ flu.

Then people ask, “How are you doing?” I have a hard time answering that also because I do not talk about my pain or my troubles. No one needs to worry about me. No one needs to know the pain I struggle with daily. Do you really want to hear me talk about how I was up all night listening to the baby monitor to make sure Seton was still breathing, or that I saw an adult driving his wheelchair down 45^th street and had to pull over because couldn't quit crying because that is not the life I want for my son? There hasn’t been one day this week I have not cried while driving down the street. When I hear people talk about finally being out of diapers, I sit in silence because that may never happen for my family. I sit in silence a lot because I do not want other people to worry about me; I have always been “the fixer” not the one who needs “fixing.” I have a lot of negative thoughts in my head that I have to fight most days.

We had a calm New Years Eve; again just hanging out as a family…I think we were all in bed by 11:30pm. We are excited for the New Year and all God has planned for us. We might be the only family that had a baby last year that will not say it was not the best year of our life.  It was a difficult year, it had good times, and it changed our lives; but I am glad it is over. I can not believe how much we have changed and grown over the year. We made some really great friends this past year, and would not have made it without the help of our family and friends. 2012 is going to be a GREAT year for our family.

I don't know why God chose us to be Seton’s parents, but I am glad he did. I love that little boy so much. Do I wish things were different? Honestly, yes, sometimes I do, and then other times I could not imagine anything better.  We still expect a miracle of complete healing for Seton; and pray for it every minute of every day. I know God has a plan for us and that we are just in a difficult season right now. He has brought us this far and will continue to carry us through our journey as Seton’s parents, because we are not strong enough to do it without HIM.

This song is perfect for us. I have loved it since the first time I heard it last year.

 Matthew West - Strong Enough

 Here are a few more pictures of Seton. I have not taken any 10 month pictures yet, but I will post them when I do.

9 months old

I just love these toes! 

 ⁹ “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. ¹⁰ For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”    Luke 11:9-10 (NLT)

Thank you for all your prayers and support!

~Shawna~